Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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