i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
