I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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