I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
