no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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