tell your sister to shave her snatch
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
