I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
