Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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