Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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