the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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