idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
