I'm gonna have a badass scar
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
