he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
