my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
