Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
