I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
