Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
