So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
