u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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