dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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