I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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