yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
