So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
