Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
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