that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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