is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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