Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Randomize
