there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you didnt know i had herpes?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
