i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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