the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
