you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
