Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
