my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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