He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Randomize
