and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
