My Higher Power is John Stamos
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
this just has baby written all over it
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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