if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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