Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
