im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
the liver wants what the liver wants
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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