sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
