Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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