girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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