Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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