he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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