its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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