shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
