Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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