Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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