I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
