I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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