I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
