I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
