shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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