Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
