you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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