Barsexuality is the new black.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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