He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
