okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
