Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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