I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
