Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
